Doctors Visit

Today we had the Doctor visit. she didn't really say much but she did say to Mads that she is being very well looked after which made me feel good even though i am just helping out. Mum said the only reason that Mads has not been put in a hospital is because she has been here looking after her, and she finds it hard

I realised that, i might by going a little mad if i am not in the same room or in the next room i think that i can hear her calling and it is very spooky, also last night i had a freaky moment i woke up with a start and i looked at Madsand her sheet looked as though i am not sure if it was pulled up past her eyebrows and i thought that she had passed away and then it spired on that mum know that she had passed away and had pulled the sheets up like they do in movies and had not told me and wat making the arrangements, then i heard her breathing. I suppose it is rather amusing

I found a sone and think that is disrobes Mads right now or what she could be feeling here are the lyrics it is by 'Antony and the Johnson's' and it is called 'Hope there's is someone'

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired

There's a ghost on the horizon
When I go to bed
How can I fall asleep at night
How will I rest my head

Oh I'm scared of the middle place
Between light and nowhere
I don't want to be the one
Left in there, left in there

There's a man on the horizon
Wish that I'd go to bed
If I fall to his feet tonight
Will allow rest my head

So here's hoping I will not drown
Or paralyze in light
And godsend I don't want to go
To the seal's watershed

Hope there's someone
Who'll take care of me
When I die, Will I go

Hope there's someone
Who'll set my heart free
Nice to hold when I'm tired

Here is a link to a site on Antony and the Johnsons

I have cried so many times since i have been here and all in the room when i have been in the room with Mads because i am so sad that she is so emasicted i can see her chest bones her arms are like sticks she looks like a child lying in the bed and i just want to crawl in and hug her but i would want to do that to anyone , the things that she says, i don't know what do do with myself, Oh dear,i just want to sleep, I am not very happy and there is nothing that i can do .

I remember that i was not even sad when i moved out of home i was so happy and i didn't get homesick at all and i didn't really miss my sister when she moved away.

But i wish i could stay until she passes away but i have uni and work.

Reality, i am not afraid of it i have never spent time with Mads and it just makes me that's all.

I had a beer with my mum at the Bub at the Sportsmen, they helped to give me directions when i arrived to get where we had dinner there for £8 for 2 people which is really cheap that was on 16th beautiful beer yummy anywayi am going to bed now in Mads old bed , next to her in her hospital bed. Night